heading to the four corners of nowhere.
star-burst of four kittens under a lid of ice,
and Why? And down in the lake, the sudden
screech of ducks swooping How did we fly here?
while we're rolling in the muddy banks of a tributary, listening to the
songs of carp, warbled through the crystal curtains.
drawn, draped and tangled so we're up to our knees in the
ice, blanketed and trudging through autumnal reeds -
coloured like a quoll scrabbling across a desert of
gum leaves collected into jackets we match with koala-skin boots.
we stroll sweating along trails with undefined edges and stray
only for toilet breaks amongst beetles, chitin cracked by dry heat as
the sun lazes at noonsky, allowing shadows to form mazes, but
we've discovered a copse; a ring of trees playing chinese whispers while
bees cloud and pirouette an invitation to hug them and realise
something.
bees cloud and pirouette an invitation to hug them and realise
we've discovered a copse; a ring of trees playing chinese whispers while
the sun lazes at noonsky, allowing shadows to form mazes, but
only for toilet breaks amongst beetles, chitin cracked by dry heat as
we stroll sweating along trails with undefined edges and stray
gum leaves collected into jackets we match with koala-skin boots.
coloured like a quoll scrabbling across a desert of
ice, blanketed and trudging through autumnal reeds -
drawn, draped and tangled so we're up to our knees in the
songs of carp, warbled through the crystal curtains.
while we're rolling in the muddy banks of a tributary, listening to the
screech of ducks swooping How did we fly here?
and Why? And down in the lake, the sudden
star-burst of four kittens under a lid of ice,
heading to the four corners of nowhere.













Comments
--
*TheWritersMeow
Were all victims in a battle that we never had to fight
Its ok its alright, steady now were in this thing together
--
=MSJames FTW
--
*TheWritersMeow
Were all victims in a battle that we never had to fight
Its ok its alright, steady now were in this thing together
Oh, and good luck with the competition
--
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. Explore. Dream. Discover."
-Mark Twain
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=MSJames FTW
I loved this, the idea, the writing, all of it. A palindrome this length is pretty tricky and I think you've done a marvellous job, it reads well from beginning to end and makes sense as a single piece.
The only lines I would question are these:
gum leaves collected into jackets we match with koala-skin boots.
coloured like a quoll scrabbling across a desert of
ice,
which to me seems just a bit out of tone with the rest. Kind of cartoonish, in comparison to the rest. So much to like in this: "draped and tangled so we're up to our knees in the//songs of carp" and "a ring of trees playing chinese whispers while // the sun lazes at noonsky, allowing shadows to form mazes" being examples of what I liked best. Some lovely writing.
Now write some more lovelies, La-Z-boi, or else.
--
unknown command error: sleep
i think it's the jackets/boots comment. they're a little too unnatural so they throw it off a bit. gah. there's a point i want to make there and make it i no doubt did to some who read it, but it would be nice to make it in another manner also.
drawn, draped and tangled. sigh
--
=MSJames FTW
Otherwise, this is very clever! Way to take a concept and do something unexpected with it. A fun read.
--
Life: There in 24 hours or your next day's free!
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