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the restaurant at the end of.. by ~psychodrive:iconpsychodrive:



heading to the four corners of nowhere.
star-burst of four kittens under a lid of ice,
and Why? And down in the lake, the sudden
screech of ducks swooping How did we fly here?
while we're rolling in the muddy banks of a tributary, listening to the
songs of carp, warbled through the crystal curtains.
drawn, draped and tangled so we're up to our knees in the
ice, blanketed and trudging through autumnal reeds -
coloured like a quoll scrabbling across a desert of
gum leaves collected into jackets we match with koala-skin boots.
we stroll sweating along trails with undefined edges and stray
only for toilet breaks amongst beetles, chitin cracked by dry heat as
the sun lazes at noonsky, allowing shadows to form mazes, but
we've discovered a copse; a ring of trees playing chinese whispers while
bees cloud and pirouette an invitation to hug them and realise

                        something.

bees cloud and pirouette an invitation to hug them and realise
we've discovered a copse; a ring of trees playing chinese whispers while
the sun lazes at noonsky, allowing shadows to form mazes, but
only for toilet breaks amongst beetles, chitin cracked by dry heat as
we stroll sweating along trails with undefined edges and stray
gum leaves collected into jackets we match with koala-skin boots.
coloured like a quoll scrabbling across a desert of
ice, blanketed and trudging through autumnal reeds -
drawn, draped and tangled so we're up to our knees in the
songs of carp, warbled through the crystal curtains.
while we're rolling in the muddy banks of a tributary, listening to the
screech of ducks swooping How did we fly here?
and Why? And down in the lake, the sudden
star-burst of four kittens under a lid of ice,
heading to the four corners of nowhere.
©2006-2009 ~psychodrive
:iconpsychodrive:

Author's Comments

Full Title : the restaurant at the end of the universe is always out of serviettes

.

News: In the End - Poetry Competition

and Why? And down in the lake, the sudden
star-burst of four kittens under a lid of ice,
heading to the four corners of nowhere.
--Neil Rollinson

.

I chose the Neil Rollinson lines on the bus this morning after a long night out. The idea is one that has been brewing for a long time and I just couldn't create the beginning/ending. Those three lines just worked in exactly the right way. Mr Rollinson - whereever you are - thank you, and I look forward to finding your books.

.

Comments


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:iconplatinummyr:
I like how you used the beginning at the ending :D It's pretty well written :D Good luck on the contest *heh, I entered... its not much coming from a "competitor"* lol

--
*TheWritersMeow
We’re all victims in a battle that we never had to fight
It’s ok it’s alright, steady now we’re in this thing together
:iconpsychodrive:
Thank you and good luck yourself.

--
=MSJames FTW
:iconplatinummyr:
Thanks :D

--
*TheWritersMeow
We’re all victims in a battle that we never had to fight
It’s ok it’s alright, steady now we’re in this thing together
:iconlittleyoda54:
This is nice; I really like it! It is cleverly done; the ending really fits well with the rest of the poem. It's difficult writing a poem and trying to get it all to be in someone else's style (well, I think it is anyway!)
Oh, and good luck with the competition :)

--
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. Explore. Dream. Discover."
-Mark Twain
:iconsalshep:
Hey Ryan,

I loved this, the idea, the writing, all of it. A palindrome this length is pretty tricky and I think you've done a marvellous job, it reads well from beginning to end and makes sense as a single piece.

The only lines I would question are these:

gum leaves collected into jackets we match with koala-skin boots.
coloured like a quoll scrabbling across a desert of
ice,

which to me seems just a bit out of tone with the rest. Kind of cartoonish, in comparison to the rest. So much to like in this: "draped and tangled so we're up to our knees in the//songs of carp" and "a ring of trees playing chinese whispers while // the sun lazes at noonsky, allowing shadows to form mazes" being examples of what I liked best. Some lovely writing.

Now write some more lovelies, La-Z-boi, or else.

:heart:

--
unknown command error: sleep
:iconpsychodrive:
you picked the lines that annoyed me most too. gorram! oh man, i heart you for doing that. i will look at seeing if i can edit this at some point in the future. at the moment, things are afoot. spoken word pomes and metre. then again, maybe tomorrow. i have a printer after all.

i think it's the jackets/boots comment. they're a little too unnatural so they throw it off a bit. gah. there's a point i want to make there and make it i no doubt did to some who read it, but it would be nice to make it in another manner also.

drawn, draped and tangled. sigh :)

--
=MSJames FTW
:iconlokzaza:
You are in a nondescript room of a nondescript size. Exits are north, west, south and east. Oh and in that corner is a generic piece of dadaism
:icontriptychr:
Yeah, koala skin is (surprisingly) the only spot in this where I stopped and went "Huh?"

Otherwise, this is very clever! Way to take a concept and do something unexpected with it. A fun read.

--
Life: There in 24 hours or your next day's free!

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October 7, 2006
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